Rudbeckia's Shadow is not a strong presence. Often, she won't seem to be affected by it at all. It isn't angry, or cynical, or distrustful — all of that is Rudbeckia herself. It's Ruby who keeps the truth locked shut inside her mouth. It's Ruby who would rather crawl on the ground towards safety than reach out her hand towards anyone, for fear of them letting go.
Her Shadow only serves to remind her why she lives the way she does. It amplifies her unease and her fears, it carefully tends to the seeds of doubt that she sows in her own mind. It digs its fingers into Ruby's old bruises and tells her it keeps her safe. If she strays too close to the light, it is there to whisper in her ear with Cesare's voice: not to control her, but to caution her against any foolish hopes. The Shadow is not the witch hiding behind the veneer of a princess, because Rudbeckia knows well enough that she was already a witch to begin with.
It's only at its most extreme that the Shadow steers her with a firmer hand, leading her to darker waters to show her the worst that can happen, that will happen to her, looking to make her into what she always has the potential to become: the Rudbeckia de Borgia written of in the novel, who killed her beloved husband's sister just so he would have no choice but to raze her home to the ground and finally end her wretched life. Her Shadow asks: why shouldn't she be the witch? Let the hero come, and let him put her to rest.
It does not put words in her mouth. The words are already written for her, the final lament of a pitiful villainess: Sorry. I would've probably spent the rest of my life testing your feelings... and even in my dying moments, I would need to be assured that you were on my side.
Thoughts that are particularly influenced by her Shadow will be marked in grey.
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SHADOW. —cw suicidal ideation
Her Shadow only serves to remind her why she lives the way she does. It amplifies her unease and her fears, it carefully tends to the seeds of doubt that she sows in her own mind. It digs its fingers into Ruby's old bruises and tells her it keeps her safe. If she strays too close to the light, it is there to whisper in her ear with Cesare's voice: not to control her, but to caution her against any foolish hopes. The Shadow is not the witch hiding behind the veneer of a princess, because Rudbeckia knows well enough that she was already a witch to begin with.
It's only at its most extreme that the Shadow steers her with a firmer hand, leading her to darker waters to show her the worst that can happen, that will happen to her, looking to make her into what she always has the potential to become: the Rudbeckia de Borgia written of in the novel, who killed her beloved husband's sister just so he would have no choice but to raze her home to the ground and finally end her wretched life. Her Shadow asks: why shouldn't she be the witch? Let the hero come, and let him put her to rest.
It does not put words in her mouth. The words are already written for her, the final lament of a pitiful villainess: Sorry. I would've probably spent the rest of my life testing your feelings... and even in my dying moments, I would need to be assured that you were on my side.
Thoughts that are particularly influenced by her Shadow will be marked in grey.