[ there are not words for the tangled knot of feelings that make up her heart in that moment, and to name each thread individually wouldn't properly describe the whole. relief, hope, longing, grief. they are all so small. it's not enough. and those small, insignificant things aren't enough to express how much Set's words mean to her, either. so—so, she cracks open the door she had locked, and she allows Set to see all of it.
It is not your fault.
no one has ever said it. not once in her miserable existence has anyone told her the thing she's always wished she could hear. as much as she can tell herself that the blame isn't hers to bear — it leaves a bruise when she has carried it for so long. without even thinking, she begins to accept the fault as her own even while she cries and rails against the unfairness of it. but hearing someone else say it, hearing Set say it – that it isn't her fault, she didn't do anything wrong, she's suffered so much and endured it as best she can and he doesn't think that she's dirty or shameful and even if she's still like this he'll defend her because he knows that she's just trying to live—
it is a gasp of air for someone who has been drowning all her life, lungs filling so fast that her head spins. it is a knot pried loose, a thorn removed, a remedy applied to a festering wound. and with some of the unbearable, crushing weight lifted from her, she has enough room within herself to think—
ah. she loves him. she really, really loves him. no matter what happens in the near or distant future, whether he discards her harshly for her mistakes or she simply fades from his life when he has returned to the place he belongs and fulfilled his obligations to her, she won't ever forget any of this. these memories will remain precious, untainted by any bloodshed that may follow. ]
I'm sorry. [ it comes out strangled, a broken little cry that Set wouldn't have heard if he hadn't hoisted Ruby up, her arms wound tightly around his neck. ] I was trying not to cause you any trouble... We got in an argument before and she didn't like that I said I was yours, and I should have just kept my mouth shut. I shouldn't have said anything, back then or this time. I didn't want you to get tired of me...
[ her habit rears its head – as always, she cannot explain herself properly. she always rushes to the end. ]
no subject
It is not your fault.
no one has ever said it. not once in her miserable existence has anyone told her the thing she's always wished she could hear. as much as she can tell herself that the blame isn't hers to bear — it leaves a bruise when she has carried it for so long. without even thinking, she begins to accept the fault as her own even while she cries and rails against the unfairness of it. but hearing someone else say it, hearing Set say it – that it isn't her fault, she didn't do anything wrong, she's suffered so much and endured it as best she can and he doesn't think that she's dirty or shameful and even if she's still like this he'll defend her because he knows that she's just trying to live—
it is a gasp of air for someone who has been drowning all her life, lungs filling so fast that her head spins. it is a knot pried loose, a thorn removed, a remedy applied to a festering wound. and with some of the unbearable, crushing weight lifted from her, she has enough room within herself to think—
ah. she loves him. she really, really loves him. no matter what happens in the near or distant future, whether he discards her harshly for her mistakes or she simply fades from his life when he has returned to the place he belongs and fulfilled his obligations to her, she won't ever forget any of this. these memories will remain precious, untainted by any bloodshed that may follow. ]
I'm sorry. [ it comes out strangled, a broken little cry that Set wouldn't have heard if he hadn't hoisted Ruby up, her arms wound tightly around his neck. ] I was trying not to cause you any trouble... We got in an argument before and she didn't like that I said I was yours, and I should have just kept my mouth shut. I shouldn't have said anything, back then or this time. I didn't want you to get tired of me...
[ her habit rears its head – as always, she cannot explain herself properly. she always rushes to the end. ]